My Missing Part.......

Once upon a time this was me......i wrote this. probably around this time last year.
I miss me, or rather this part of me. I don't have her any more. Take what you want from it. maybe someone can benefit from it more than i have. but it has to be sincere from the depths.........how far did i go, i'll let you know when i reach the end.
I guess my conviction was just not strong enough. Insha'Allah, there is still time and all is not loss..........

Ya muqalib al quloob thaabit quloobana a'la deenik.

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Raheem

For the sake of Allah(subhana wa ta'ala)

My Lament
This is a path which has been tread by many of us before, many have succeeded, some probably have failed and some are still struggling on that path. I have attempted to take this path before, but I have not wholly committed to it. This is for you Allah, to seek the pleasure of your Grand Face. The place where I can be sure of your pleasure, in where, I hope will be my final Home of Jannah. But only with Your Help O Allah. You are my Maula, My Protector and my only means to salvation. With your Help O Allah I wish to tread this path. I wish to tread it following the steps of our beloved prophet(salallahu alayhi wa sallam). I wish to be in the ranks of Abu Bakr As-Sideeq(Radi Allahu anhu). I wish to be as strong as Umar (Radi Allahu anhu). I wish for the humble life of Uthman (Radi Allahu anhu). I wish for the hikmah and insight of Ali (Radi Allahu anhu). And many more qualities which are loved by You and I wish to eradicate the many qualities that are unloved by You. Which then, insha’Allah, will lead me to the status and company of the Anbiya, sidiqeen, shuhadaah and the saliheen.(See Qur’an, surah An-Nisa:69). Allah please grant me the company of these righteous people as I commit myself to you. O Allah never abandon me, never leave me to my evil devices. For I know and You know better that I am a very very weak muslim. But I have to reach a resolution to end my misery. And I will not find contentment in superficial pastimes. I will not find true comfort with other human beings, as much as I love them, they will not help on the Day of Judgment. Only You Allah, Only you do we worship and Only You do we ask for help. So this is my du’aa Allah, please answer it. Allahumma innee ala dhikrika, wa shukrika, wa husni ibaaditika. O Allah, help me, aide me in remembering You, being grateful to You and the good of worshipping You. Allahumma Ameen.


Mission:
To be a muslim, mu’min and muhsin, in every sense of those statuses, insha’Allah. To be a part of the Firqatun Najiah and to go one step further to be a part of the Taiful Mansurah. Alhamdulillah and may Allah reward our scholars who made me aware of such fundamental beliefs and roles. Truly Allah will show us the path if we seek it. I have contemplated many times what can I do? I am a single person and not even a very good person of that. So that mentality has lead me to give up and not bother and get on with life as I am doing. Someone, Alhamdulillah is a muslim and prays and other basic necessities. Has a chance at Jannah, but equal if not more of entering the Fire. May Allah protect us from it! Ameen. What I have in mind and Allah knows, will take time, definitely from my part, as I have much to overcome. But we must be patient with ourselves and keep trust in Allah and never lose hope, even though shaytan will convince us that we are a lost case. First thing, we can never succeed if we have a defeatist attitude. Why should we fail if our intentions and actions are sincerely done for the sake of Allah. However if they are not, then we must reform our intentions and deeds (see Qur’an, Surah Ash-Shams:7-10).

Our aim is to please Allah. Our purpose is to worship Allah, the One who created us. Our vision is Jannah. Keep this vision in mind. Come on imagine it now. Insha’Allah. Me and my loved ones. We’re beautiful. We got Allah above us, Smiling. We the prophet(Salallahu alayhi wa sallam) to our right. We got the anbiya, the sahabas, the shuhadaa (oh yeh the long haired bros!) and Aish’a(Radi Allahu anha). I so want to meet her. She is no doubt the most interesting person I have heard of. I mean the prophet(Salallahu alayhi wa sallam)) loved her the most and died in her lap. Anyway, this is our vision. Keep it in mind when things don’t seem to go right.

Another thing we have to remember is Paradise is surrounded by hardship whilst hell is surrounded with pleasures. So if we are experiencing too much pleasure, then we need to take a step back and think hang on this is not right. Although Alhamdulillah we should not deny the blessings of Allah and we should pray for Allah to increase us in them, we should not indulge in too much pleasure, hardens the heart and make us forget Allah. So whatever difficulties we face, we must think, ok this is not too bad because I may be on my way to Jannah, as it has been described as being surrounded by hardship. Maybe this could be my opportunity to raise my status with Allah. So we need to stop looking at immediate pleasures and make our vision the akhirah, investing in it. With this attitude we can begin the journey.

Ok I am rattling on and on and whats the point? Well I have an image of an Islamic empire. A mass of people worshipping Allah correctly. I can’t completely describe it or vocalize it, but Allah knows what I see. So I will start with step one in this direction. That is to be sincere and committed to this relationship with Allah. To be truthful to ourself, only then can we set on our way to improve our life, the lives around us, and the lives of humanity. You can think we can achieve this? My dear sisters we can, with the help of Allah we can. Nothing is impossible. And even if we don’t succeed in changing others, then at least we will have tried and we will have something to say to Allah on the Day of Judgement. Guidance is only with Allah. Some prophets (Alayhim salam) will only have one follower, does that make them any less than a prophet? We are not looking at numbers, that maybe a measurement of success in the dunya, but remember its not our goal. From now on we think – Akhirah! Insha’Allah.

I need help ok. I need you to help me with this. I need your ideas, your advice, your encouragement. My fitrah has not rested a long time. My fitrah doesn’t rest till something is done. I remember my personal dispute of wearing niqaab or not. My fitrah wouldn’t rest until I had done it, Alhamdulillah. Few other things. This I believe is guidance from Allah. So sometimes we should go with the instinct of the heart as long as it is not overcome with evil.

This piece of writing is more for myself than anything else. But I just wanted you to have a bit of an idea where I was coming from. I would like it if we could do this together, to be a constant reminder for one another. I want us to be under the Shade of Allah when there is no other shade. Share a mutual love for Allah, His Messenger(Salallahu alayhi wa sallam) and Islam. You ready?!!!! Insha’Allah.

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Now this is me, with that part missing. But bi'idhnillah, i am on the quest to return her home, safe and sound with all parts in tact. Its proving more difficult than i thought, but Alhamdulillah i still have some of the resolve in me and insha'Allah it suffices me to get back on this track through the Mercy and Blessings of Allah. I hope the you will find signs of the outcome on me, then you can inform me whether i truly found her or if i ever really had her in me.......................
JazakumAllah Khayr