Scattered pieces............

After years of searching, I have come to the conclusion that i was looking in the wrong places all along. Now i am still searching and yearning, i've come to realise that no human can give me what it is i truly want. I know what it is that i want, i know where to find it and i also know what i need to do to get it. But mentally, emotionally and physiologically i haven't prepared myself for it. I wasted my energy pursuing other interests. It takes huge amounts of willpower and in my case lots of biting my lips to keep myself silent.

Sabr. You know that word only means something to me when Allah mentions it in the Qur'an. When people use it, my ears are deaf to it, i'm sure it is genuine naseeha, but it just doesn't contain meaning for me. But when Allah gently reminds me in the Qur'an, then i understand what it is and a calmness descends.
'Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.' Truly we will find out how strong our belief in this was when we return.

'....and man was created weak.'
Really i have assessed myself over and over and i can't find a better phrase to describe myself than the above Qur'an ayah.
I am my own greatest enemy. An enemy in denial. Well maybe with writing this the denial stage maybe coming to an end.

We get caught up in life, with things that happen to us. Unfortunate incidents, brilliant memorable days and we lose sight of what it was that we were first intent on. Our experiences scar us. Busy days distract us. Slowly, slowly we slip away. Then all of a sudden we need it, and we haven't got it. But yet we desperately need it as you know its the only thing that will stop you from destruction. You see yourself fall and you cannot find it in you to pick yourself up. A very dangerous place to be. You want to save that drowning child but you've forgotten how to swim.
Only tears fall and the stone in the chest doubles in size and you remind yourself
'No soul is burdened more than it can bear.'

You don't know a precious thing til its gone because you were too busy chasing after something else..........