Chasing dreams of past, present and future

For a year and a half now i've been wanting to undertake a course in counselling. Circumstances didn't allow me to last year, but this year Alhamdulillah, i've actually gone ahead and enrolled!! (will give the course details)
I've paid so there's no going back now, unless i want 80pounds down the drain, which i don't!
I'm really looking forward to it! Especially when i saw that my fellow bus friend also turned up at the open day yesterday. See we used to have converstaions on the bus encouraging one another to go for it. She's also doing Social work aswell, masha'Allah and i think, correct me if i'm wrong she's getting a bursary for it? See i'm quite wistful because once upon a time it was an ambition of mine which brings me on to the past..........

The Past
Im a bit of an Linguistic person, although i don't have good grammar or speech articulation or extensive vocabulary! But since primary i've loved the English classes, then to secondary school and even i took English Language and English Literature as two seperate A'Levels! crazy i know. But it was actually very clever of me, because it meant i had very little revision to do and since i know myself that i hate revising and rubbish at revising it was a very good move. Alhamdulillah it got me the good grades. My parents were happy! ( Really it does fill me with pride when i remember how happy my mum was with me that day).

Anyway, throughout these years i've wished to do something along the social lines, you know bring out the humanitarian in me. But wasn't able to in college because i wanted less revision, so i didn't do Sociology, my sisters persuaded me to do Psychology instead, which i didn't mind (although it was my lowest grade). So it was my degree that had to suffer the humanitarian me.....I did social policy degree, and in my 3rd year i realised "My God! i don't even like this degree, neither am i any good at it. It was tad bit too late considering my exams were in the next couple of months. I was at a graduate fair and there were all these options in front of me. And there was Dipsw ( a diploma in social work), the dream i wanted to follow, but that dream was 2grand and over in costs and meant i had to get at least a 2.1, which i knew i was not going to get and it meant two years more of study but after my hatred for my degree i wasn't about to study more!! So that put a stop to that dream. But something else caught my eye..........hmm Child Psychologist/Educational Psychologist. Interesting........But my friend dragged me away, saying 'you're doing a Social Policy Degree you can't change it in your final term!' Valid point. she always knock sense in me, sometimes literally. Aww i miss her.

The Present
Now 5 years later (subhanAllah has it been that long). Well actually a bit more of the past. My life took on an unexpected turn, i became a nursery nurse! that was never part of my dreams. Oh but how i loved it. And hey now i got an NVQ under me! Working at Hanifah Pre-school was one of the best things that happend to me by the Grace of God. But in my 5th year there i went down hill. I just did not have it in me to work with children anymore. I had to get out. I needed a different direction in life...........and indeed Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) gave me that, but only for a brief time. And life is funny because we think we know, but really we do not. And thats why i now truly know the meaning of we plan and Allah plans..............On the outside this has been a ver chillout period for me. Meaning i've looked for jobs, but not really bothered. Worked at another nursery but really didn't want to continue. Now im just doing some Islamic lessons for kids here n there. Being at home, with family, my neices and nephews take up so much of my life masha'Allah, tabarakAllah! Not been committed to anything in particular and neither do i want to be. It's been different. Not so relaxing as it seems. *Sigh*. Now is time for change again.............

The Future
So here i am again back looking to the near future insha'Allah.........I searched to my humanitarian self and i discovered counselling. And i thought yes this is me! I can be a service to people, just listen to them, try and make their lives better. Try to help them acknowledge of the root of their issues. But mostly it is for me. For me to drown out my own insignificant set of issues. So that i don't have to focus on myself. That i will be so overcome with the severity of others, i will not have time or energy to concentrate on myself. And i hope by working with magnitude of others it will put things into perspective for me and will expose the true nature of my minute worries. That Allah may look upon me with Mercy and help me through my days if i help others. That working with others will make me more of a grateful servant, insha'Allah, seeing that others are in far worse situations.

Essentially though i want to send off positive vibes to people. So people think oh i'll have what she's having and that is Islam! So i would like it to be subtle Islamic guidance. I pray Allah helps me on this path and keeps me sincere.

And what was the point of my post i don't even know. Yeh well its my blog so it doesn't matter!!But honestly i guess it was for me to put things into some kind of structure to see where my years have gone and what i've actually done.
Quite sad really, because in writing this i've painted a picture of myself that i can clearly see. I say and say but just do not do the do.
Insha'Allah this enrollment will be the begining of something new and fantastic...........