To Love and To Lose

I scanned their faces. I saw nothing but sadness, tiredness and worst of all defeat. It pained me to see my friends like this. How did it get to this? It seemed just like yesterday that we were all sat round the table; laughing and joking, picking at each others kebabs and chips. Today, well today we're sat round the table, gripping our coffee mugs and downcast eyes. The laughter had turned into tears. The jokes had turned into bitter tales.

In an attempt to brighten the mood, i forced a smile and said 'Who's going to finish the last slice? Because i'm not going to hold back for much longer!' They all looked up, a little startled, the air of silence and their deep thoughts had been intruded. One of them looked further down, her lips trembled. I was afraid she was going to start crying. My other friend, Safiyah gave me a faint appreicative smile. Our eyes locked for a few seconds. She could see the desperation in my eyes. I just wanted to do something, anything to help. But the truth is, there is nothing i could do but invite them round to my house for coffee, just to let them know i was there for them.

'I better go.' Farah said getting up. 'He'll be waiting for me to give him his food'
'So what are you going to do?' Aasiya asked tentatively?

Farah sighed 'What i've been doing for the past few months. Pretend everything is ok and just pray for patience after smashing the computer to pieces! ' Even now she tried to lighten the tone through humour, acting unfazed. But her face read otherwise. She had just found out her husband was planning to marry the girl he had met on some internet chat room. For the past few months she'd had an inkling that something was going on, but had tried to ignore the nagging voice. She had noticed the distance, the lack of affection, the divided attention, but she didn't want to believe there was an actual human cause behind it.

In fact all of their situations had come to a climax. I felt like the producer in some movie. The title would be called something like 'To Love and To Lose.' As they were all in a state of loss. Me, included. But, only i had yet to tell them my sorrow. I didn't want the grey cloud to release it's heavy rain drops as that's what would happen if i told them now. I would wait for a better day. I hugged each of them in turn. Lingering onto Safiyah, who had just recieved news that her husband after being held in custody all these days would now be imprisoned. It is for incidents like these that you understand the need for the Day of Judgement, when true justice would be served.

Safiyah, held me and then looked me in the eye and said 'Call me later, yeh?' I tried to avoid her soul searching eyes that bore into me and nodded 'ok.' She knew me too well. I was least worried about her. Although her situation was dire and it was affecting her more than she was letting on, her strength and her unshakeble faith was truly admirable. She would just ride the wave and control the the tide. Allah had blessed her with the virtue of patience. A true picture of patience.

I turned to Aasiya and said 'If you need a place to stay, you know you're welcome at mine. Anytime. Abdullah will make himself scarce.' Her husband had just divorced her. After months of practically hounding her, the weasel of a man just upped and left. Vanished, leaving nothing behind but a note with the words 'Talaq' written 3 times. Three and a half months of marriage and the scoundrel got bored. He realised marriage actually required work. She was devastated to say the least. This had hit her very hard. I was extremely worried about her. Out of the three she was the most vulnerable. 'It's ok. I'm staying at my sister's.' No one else from her family knew.

I walked them all to the door, saying our salaams as they departed. I looked on till i could no longer see their car. I stood in the doorway for a few seconds more, leaning against it. Finding comfort and support on the door frame. I closed my eyes, just wishing to end this day right there and then. It was all too much. I felt my husband come behind me. He gently tugged me and guided me to his warmth and whispered 'Don't worry. Insha'Allah, I'm not going anywhere yet.' But all I could hear was the doctor telling us 'Im afraid Mr Ahmed, the size of the tumour is too big...'