There are times when i just can't sleep because of the many thoughts that are going through my head. I'm tired and my eyes are closing, but my mind is racing. Sometimes its so annoying!! But sometimes it sparks an intellectual debate in my head.
Anyway there i was trying to think of ways forward for myself. Trying to derive lessons from life. Inevitably the topic of marriage came up. Why oh why does marriage have to be only about love. Like if there was no love then there was nothing much to lose. Like if there's no love then what's the point of being married. Like if you don't love someone disregard them and treat them however it suits you. Whats happened to values such as honour and respect? Why do we find it so difficult to adopt virtues such as sabr and mercy. Why are we so quick to break ties and finalise relations. The superficial love has taken precedence in our hearts and the sincere lasting type is not given the chance to emerge.
I don't say this for all, as Alhamdulillah the ummah of Muhammad (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) is never a lost cause. I know there are believing men and women who are enjoing the good and forbidding the evil, working for the bigger picture and not just sitting within the cosy boundaries of their homes.
Truth is living in this dunya we get very attached to all the good things around us. Our family, our spouses, our material gains, basically all that glitter and glamour.
We are in so much danger of losing ourselves in the mundane acts of life. But what i am scared of most is that we become too attached to our loved ones that if we were to lose them then we would be completely destroyed. However, unknown to us, we have already destroyed ourselves, if we put our love for others before Allah and His Messenger (salallahu alayhi wa sallam).
Allah says
'Say if your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline, and the dwelling in which you delight are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger, and striving hard and fighting in His Cause, then wait until Allah brings about His Decision. And Allah guides not the people who are Al Fasiqun.'
{At-Taubah: 24}
It is a very easy pit to fall into. I am very scared for myself. And for that reason alone i would not want to get married. But this is not the solution is it. It is about monitoring and checking ourself continuously. The task is greater and the sacrifice is greater if we lose that which we love or give it up for the sake of Allah, rather than not having anything to give up for Allah's sake. What would be the test in that? Can we take wealth from a man who has none?
We all have desires. There's not denying that and they are very hard to give up. We also have the dilemmas of giving into desires when we're not supposed to. But due to us not giving up when we're supposed to and giving in when we're not supposed to, we have become very selfish individuals and this why the world is in the state it is. We are a very selfish generation on a whole. We're prepared to moan alot but give a little. SubhanAllah.
In all of this, please do not think that i am against love or having the halal pleasures Allah has bestowed us with. No, but i do think we need to wisen up. This is real life here and really love does not make the world go round and neither does money. It is each of our faith in Allah that will make our world. And it's not what we do for others, its what we do for Allah, Lord of all the worlds.
Like i say i'm very scared for myself. When we speak, we can only say it truely because it comes from within us and we have been a victim or the perpetrator of it ourselves.
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3 comments:
"I know there are believing men and women who are enjoing the good and forbidding the evil, working for the bigger picture and not just sitting within the cosy boundaries of their homes."
If there was nearly enough people like this the ummah wouldn't be the mess that it is in now. People don't see marriage as a way to help the ummah. Not really. It's just a fanciful idea that sounds good when you say it to a guy/girl whom you're in a meeting with to impress them to marry you. Most people want to get married for reasons that are less globally humanitarian and that's not saying they're selfish, it's realism. You can't expect to change the world by just having the title "married" instead of "single". If so, then what is it about marriage alone that helps you to acheive global change? I challenge you to convince me. Perhaps some of us women put marriage on too high a pedestal and the danger of that is once we're married we think disappointedly "Is this it?" which leads to "I want more!"
Ok either i am less articulate then i thought or you read this in a complete different light then to what is written or you didn't read it properly at all!
Note i said this as a conclusion type of thing
'This is real life here and really love does not make the world go round and neither does money. It is each of our faith in Allah that will make our world. And it's not what we do for others, its what we do for Allah, Lord of all the worlds.'
And also because the statement of 'believing men and women....' is not just referring to married people. I am talking about individuals men and women.
There is no challenge here because im not in disagreement with the points you make.
But i am talking about marriage. Im talking about people who have forgotten their duites to the ummah because 'love' and 'being together' has taken over. Im not saying marriage saves the day. You know that and i know that. But that 'love' is all hyped up. It makes a person do crazy things, unjust things, things that you may not have done if you were single. Such an attachment is formed, it can be an unhealthy one if we let it get to that point. And please im not saying everyone is the same here as i know not everyone falls into that trap but i know many who do.
'If there was nearly enough people like this the ummah wouldn't be the mess that it is in now. People don't see marriage as a way to help the ummah. Not really.'
Exactly the ummah is a mess, due to our selfishness, everyone out for themselves. We're so deep in haram that we don't even realise the adverse effects its having. And another thing we do is settle, we settle for what is permissible rather than doing which better.
The problems still lie with us as an ummah where things are a 'fancy idea' and it ends there. Obviously everyones case is different and Allah knows best different reasons and im not talking about genuine people, i'm talking about people who have the ability and the means but still do nothing. (im talking about myself!)
I am a great believer in marriage, if done correctly it does solve alot of problems in society. It is not the be all and end all, there was no where i suggested that. But it is us as individuals who make a unit. Whilst we are single we fulfil the duites which presented to us at that time. i.e looking after our parents. Taking advantage of our independenc acquiring knowledge, doing much qiyam before the 10 kids come along in marriage etc.
Anyway im probably making less sense here than i was before!
And no saabirah i wasn't annoyed at you, i hadn't even read this till now. And hey i much prefer this debate over arguing my point about Harry Potter!
Bring it on Saabirah!!
hmm, for some reason i feel like a complainer. ok i don't like this feeling. so im going to write something nice and relevant in my next post insha'Allah.
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